How to win friends and influence people

Favorite quote from the author:

If you want conquer fear, don't sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. - Dale Carnegie

This book serves the objective of how humans perceive relationships. Although this book was first published in 1936, its principles and values timeless and are still powerful today for any situation that involves people.

Dale has put forth few simple techniques on how you can go about handling people in your day-to-day life.

Don’t criticize, condemn or complain. It’s human’s basic desire to feel wanted and be treated as important, and if not done so they show signs resentment, frustration, and anger. Instead of criticizing, try to understand why people do what they do. 

Give honest and sincere appreciation. The only way to make someone do something is to make them want to do it. People want to do things because of the gratification they get, and the need to be appreciated or feel important is one of the deepest human desires. If you can fulfil that need, people will love you. 

Continually ask yourself: “What can I honestly admire about this person?”, and show people your appreciation, every time, everywhere. Carnegie highlights that appreciation is different from flattery - the former comes sincerely from the heart, with no selfish agenda. 

Arouse in another person an eager want. To inspire an “eager want” in someone, you need to first think from his perspective and put his needs before your own. Talk about what they want and explicitly explain how your suggestion will help accomplish their goals.

“One can win the attention, time and cooperation of even the most sought-after people by becoming genuinely interested in them.”

If you are wrong, admit it quickly & emphatically. If you know you will be rebuked anyway, it is much better to take the first step and do it yourself enthusiastically, rather than have someone do it. Not only will this remove guilt and defensiveness, it usually addresses the problem caused by mistake and encourage the other person to be open-minded.

Be sympathetic to other person’s idea and desires. To get another person to be sympathetic to your viewpoint, you need to be first sympathetic theirs. Remember just because their opinions don’t match with yours doesn’t mean they are wrong.

Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. No one likes to get direct orders. Asking questions help people to feel that they are a part of the decision-making process, improve buy-in and can stimulate creativity. 

All these topics are delivered by Carnegie using examples and stories, which keeps us tied to this book completely. Above are just a few of the techniques which you can practice in day-to-day life.

Besides publishing this book, Carnegie has also written other books such as How to stop worrying and start living and Lincoln the Uknown.